Authority without apology: How women can lead with confidence
Women bring qualities to leadership that research consistently shows improve performance: higher emotional intelligence, stronger collaboration, balanced decision-making, and resilience under pressure. And yet, despite this, women remain underrepresented in senior leadership roles compared to men, and many who do reach those positions are affected by imposter syndrome. Second-guessing themselves, overworking to prove their worth, or avoiding stepping up altogether.
The issue: women are equipped to be outstanding leaders, but outdated beliefs, culture and current working practices often convince them otherwise.
Why women feel like imposters
On paper, the facts are clear. Women bring skills and perspectives that make organisations stronger. But instead of embracing these strengths, many women carry an inner voice that says, “I’m not enough. I don’t belong here. I won’t cope.”
It’s also true that I see plenty of so-called female ‘ball-breakers. For some, this style comes naturally (this does not mean they are effective); for others, it’s a mask they believe they must wear to succeed, mirroring outdated male models of leadership.
Neither response is a measure of competence.
Both are symptoms of long-held conditioning, and both contribute to the persistent gap between the number of capable women and the number who reach the very top.
From childhood, women absorb messages about their place and value. Sometimes subtle, sometimes overt, these stories reinforce the idea that men are more logical, more capable, and more suited to authority, while women are expected to be caring, modest, and supportive. Over time, these beliefs embed deeply in the unconscious mind.
Yes, we’ve come a long way from the days when women were expected to stay at home and raise children. But too often, organisations haven’t evolved their environments to make combining career and family either comfortable or, in some cases, even possible.
So even when a woman knows rationally that she is capable and qualified, those old narratives whisper otherwise. Instead of trusting evidence, her mind defaults to mistruths:
- “I was lucky, not skilled.”
- “I’m not ready yet.”
- “If I speak up, I’ll sound aggressive.”
This is the hidden driver behind imposter syndrome. It isn’t about lacking ability; it’s about carrying invisible heavy baggage full of unhelpful mistruths. And when left unchecked, these ‘lies’ lead women down the wrong road: avoiding opportunities, shrinking back, overworking to prove themselves, or striving for perfection that can never be achieved.
The result?
Brilliant women are sabotaging their potential or burning out trying to live up to impossible standards.
The authority vs likeability tightrope
One of the clearest ways these learned patterns show up is in how some women navigate authority.
The messages many women internalised — “Don’t be too loud, don’t upset people, don’t come across as bossy” — collide with the expectations of leadership: to be decisive, assertive, and confident. The result is a constant, energy-draining balancing act between authority and likeability.
Step too far into authority and you risk being labelled “difficult” or “intimidating.” Lean too far into likeability and you risk being dismissed as “too soft” or “not leadership material.” Either way, it feels like a lose–lose situation.
And while we can’t change workplace cultures overnight, we can take ownership of what’s within our control. That starts with redefining what authority looks and feels like for you.
Not borrowed from outdated male models of power. Not watered down to be liked. But authority that is authentic, impactful, and sustainable.
Because here’s the truth: respect and influence are not won by pleasing everyone, nor by bulldozing your way through. They are built on clarity, consistency, fairness and confidence in your own value. From this place, authority and likability stop being opposites; they can coexist.
Practical tips to radiate confidence
So how do you begin to quiet the imposter voice and step into authority that feels authentic and sustainable? The first step is self-awareness. Here’s a simple three-part process I use with my clients to help get them onto the right path.
1. Define your authority — and check you’re aligned
Ask yourself: What does authority mean to me? Not the version you’ve been told to imitate, but the one that feels authentic. Then notice: are you leading in alignment with that definition? If there’s a gap, and often it can be felt as much as observed, it’s time to get curious.
What stories am I listening to that drive the unwanted behaviours? How are they helping you – what are they keeping you safe from?
2. Assess the ripple effect of your current choices
Every choice has a cost. Consider the impact of staying as you are? How is self-doubt affecting your health, wealth, relationships, and your ability to effectively lead your team? Sometimes, seeing the ripple effect in black and white is the wake-up call needed to commit to change.
3. Choose new stories that serve you
Once you have clarity on the problem and a strong reason to change, the next step is to catch the negative narratives and rewrite them. Ask yourself: What stories do I need to believe to behave in an authentic, confident, and competent way? When you reframe old narratives and replace them with empowering ones, your behaviours and your results will follow.
The way we think, feel and behave is interlinked – when we change one, the other two will follow.
Authority without apology
Authority without apology is not about copying someone else’s leadership model, and it’s certainly not about imitating a male ego. It’s about bringing the best of who you are, your experience, and your natural strengths into the way you lead.
When women embrace their authentic authority, they free themselves from the exhausting cycle of self-doubt and overcompensation. They also change the game for everyone around them: teams feel more engaged, organisations thrive, and future generations see leadership that is inclusive, empathetic, and sustainable.
The truth is, you are not “too much,” and you are not “not enough.” You are exactly what is needed, as long as you are true to yourself, you can then lead others with the respect and dignity they deserve, and they will thrive.
Choose to notice the old stories that no longer serve you, swap them for narratives that empower you, and step forward with confidence that is unapologetic and unmistakably yours.
Because when women Lead Brightly, everyone wins.
Do you have Imposter Syndrome? Take the quiz.
Author: Sarah Farmer is the founder of Bright & Brilliant Ltd, a multi-award-winning executive coach, and author of the best-selling book Leader Unleashed, shortlisted for Leadership Book of the Year by the International Book Awards. She helps executives and senior leadership teams take control of imposter syndrome, building the right level of confidence, strengthening emotional intelligence, and developing the people leadership skills to create high-performing cultures where everyone can thrive.
