How to help when your teen is feeling low

Worried about your teenager’s moods? Find out how what you can do to help when your teen is feeling low.

It’s not uncommon for teens to experience periods of low mood or anxiety. Being a teenager in today’s world is challenging. Alongside the pressures of social media and the ups and downs of hormones, teens’ brains are still developing which means their highs can be really high and their lows really low.

However, with all that emotional seesawing going on, it can be hard for parents to know what’s normal, how to help or when to be worried about those low moods.

What does low mood look like?

When we think of a low mood, we typically imagine sadness, maybe tearfulness, and perhaps lethargy. For example, you might notice that your teenager is suddenly not interested in their usual activities or is lacking motivation to do simple things like meeting friends or just getting dressed. There might be physical symptoms, too, such as changes in appetite or sleep patterns.

However, teens can also express low mood through rudeness, irritability, and lashing out. Or they might fall prey to procrastination. For example, by putting off their schoolwork again and again and then getting stressed when deadlines are missed.

Digital devices can play a big role in this procrastination cycle and often make it harder for parents to spot changes in a teenager’s mood. We see teens obsessively gaming or scrolling social media, for example, and blame their screens as the cause of their problem – when actually they might be using screentime as a coping response because they are feeling low.

Reach out gently to your teenager

If you think your teen is experiencing low mood, it’s important to be supportive. But there is no magic wand you can wave: your teen’s bounce back will take its own path. You won’t always know the right thing to do or say as a parent, and that’s okay. Try not to feel disheartened when you get it wrong or when a glimmer of progress or positivity is followed by a step backwards.

Your job as a parent is to keep showing up no matter what. Keep showing your teen that you care, keep showing them that you’re on their side and that they are not alone, and keep offering relationship and connection (even when they bat it away).

Try to pick your moments wisely and get into their space in a gentle, friendly way. Pop into their room (knock first) to see if they need anything. Or just take in something nice to show them that you care (and ignore any scowling). A hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows is an entry ticket into many teen bedrooms! Even if your teen doesn’t drink the cocoa, it signals to them that they are loved and that you care.

By being kind to our teens, we model to them how to be kind to themselves, and signal that that they are worthy of that self-care and compassion. Your kind gestures won’t always be appreciated (and sometimes they might be rejected outright) but let the failures pass lightly and try not to get provoked into a reaction.

Be positive rather than critical

Avoid piling on pressure or criticising them. Saying, “If you don’t buck up and get out of bed, you are going to fall behind and never catch up on your schoolwork” won’t make them more motivated to get up and do their schoolwork. A teenager who is feeling low is already feeling bad, they don’t need to be given more reasons to feel that they are failing.

Positive messaging is much more helpful. Let them know that no matter how hard it feels right now, it won’t always feel this way. And rather than calling out their unhelpful habits, gently point out positive patterns. “I’ve noticed that you seem a bit happier on the days when you get up early.”

Mood-boosting ideas

We can’t fix a teen’s mood, but we can help them lift their mood by focusing on simple positive lifestyle factors. Nutrition, sleep and exercise all impact mood. Try to nudge your teen towards healthy activities, even if those are in small doses. A 15-minute walk, a fruit smoothie, five minutes of mindfulness – these will all make a difference.

Remember to be encouraging (rather than just nagging). It’s incredibly hard to have a positive attitude when you are feeling low so focus on small positive steps and celebrate every tiny win and brighter moment.

When to seek help for your teenager

If your teenager seems stuck in a negative state of mind, or in a low mood that has no logical cause, they may be depressed and you should seek professional support. Always seek help if you see any of these signs:

Physical changes such as weight loss
Finding it hard to manage simple daily tasks
Saying they feel numb or bleak or worthlessness
Harmful coping strategies (such as self-harm, drugs, alcohol, or fire-setting)

Lack of hope is a key factor in low mood, so be sure to hold out lots of hopefulness no matter what’s going on. That doesn’t mean minimising how your teen is feeling and telling them it’s all going to be ok. Just let them know that no matter how hard things feel right now, they won’t always feel this way and that even if they are finding it difficult to imagine a bright future, that doesn’t mean that brighter future isn’t going to happen.

Author: Anita Cleare MA Adv.Dip. is founder of the Positive Parenting Project and author of How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom.