Whilst this is positive for most, there is still a huge proportion of marriages that end in divorce – 34.2% on average, based on the ONS statistics.

For most, going through a divorce is one of the most challenging periods in their lives – I love you, but I’m not in love with you, It’s just not working and other cliché phrases leave people feeling blindsided, frustrated and angry. 

Despite this, it’s in everyone’s best interest if divorce proceedings are resolved amicably, especially if children are involved. Divorces which are taken to court, where one half of the couple is blamed for divorce, are expensive, lengthy and only serve to build resentment.

Remaining amicable in heartbreak is easier said than done, so to help struggling singles move on with their lives, we asked Newcastle family law solicitor Lauren Laverick from Beecham Peacock for expert advice on achieving an amicable divorce.

1) Leave social media out of it

It might be tempting to vent relationship frustrations on social media, but airing your dirty laundry online can have serious negative consequences during the divorce procedure. Anything you post online can be used as evidence in court, with negative or inflammatory posts about your ex being used as proof of behaviour or character. These are the points of contention which could seriously complicate matters concerning child access and contact, as well as spousal support.

Speaking from an emotional perspective, negative social media posts, comments or interactions can be perceived as harassment and be incredibly distressing, they continue. Negativity online can escalate grievances and make amicable separation harder to achieve, especially if the spectacle is public and can be witnessed by friends, family or your children – involving others in a personal matter.

Ultimately, it’s best to leave social media out of it, and if communication breaks down, communication instead should only be conducted through a third party – ideally a divorce solicitor.

2) Talk to your children

For children, divorce can become a traumatic experience if dealt with poorly. It’s important that you communicate to your child openly and honestly, reassuring them that their family aren’t going away, but reshaping. 

Children who do not yet understand the delicate and complex nature of relationships may feel as though one half of their parents no longer love them, they add. This is also why you should not argue with your ex-partner in front of your child or discuss grievances with them. Your child loves both of you and will likely be mourning the original composition of your family, any attempt to persuade them to ‘pick a side’ is unhelpful and will only cause resentment.

From a legal perspective, a child who is better informed of the separation will be more receptive to child access times once proceedings are finalised, which is best for both parties.

3) File for no-fault divorce

Introduced on April 6, 2022, no-fault divorces are the ideal option for an amicable separation. They reduce potential conflict by removing finger-pointing and absolving either party of any blame for the breakup.

The removal of blame reduces animosity, instead allowing the couple to focus on more important and practical issues – such as child access, contact and splitting assets. No-fault divorces are also much cheaper as the dispute will not be taken to court, maintaining the privacy of the breakup by keeping grievances out of the public record.

Not to mention, no-fault divorces are the quicker and simpler option for separation, helping both parties move on with their lives as soon as possible.

4) Consider a collaborative law process 

When you start the process of contacting a solicitor about your divorce proceedings, you may want to consider a collaborative law process. This is a newer way of dealing with family disputes, where both parties appoint their own lawyer, but then meet face-to-face to resolve the outstanding issues and proceedings.

This is a very cooperative approach to resolving your divorce, encouraging respectful communication and allowing the couple to have greater control of the outcome. Like no-fault divorces, this process is quick, less expensive and avoids court proceedings.

Many couples find this a more amicable way of conducting a divorce as it encourages the couple to work together to make decisions on what’s best for everyone involved, including the children. By working together, often couples reach a more understanding solution. However, this method of separation is not ideal if communication has already broken down and working together in this way is likely to cause further tension.

5) Contact a professional sooner rather than later

It’s essential for couples to lean on the expertise of professionals during the divorce proceedings – the earlier this is done, the quicker you’ll get towards reaching an amicable solution. Professional divorce solicitors aren’t only knowledgeable, they are non-judgemental and offer an objective viewpoint of this situation. This is helpful in ensuring a calm and rational response to a breakup at a very difficult and emotionally charged time.

It’s important to investigate the services of a few different solicitors to find one which best aligns with you and your situation. Your solicitor will have your best interests at heart, and should aim to help negotiate a fair and equitable separation which is best for all parties involved – making sure there is no residing resentment after the proceedings are finalised.

Are you in the process of a divorce and don’t know where to start? If so, we wish you and your partner the best and hope this advice has been helpful in bringing the relationship to an amicable end.

Established in 1953, Beecham Peacock is one of the North East’s leading law firms with a wealth of experience in a myriad of different legal fields. Its team of expert solicitors includes specialists in wills, trusts and probate, personal injury, family law and employment law. The firm also offers a wide range of other legal services.

The post Five tips for an amicable divorce – from a divorce solicitor appeared first on Talented Ladies Club.

Divorce can hit hard, affecting divorcee’s performance and morale at work. The statistics on divorce and work are clear:

• 81% of employees going through a divorce struggle with productivity
• 73% miss more work
• 67% see their health and finances worsen

Recognizing this, many companies are updating their policies to better support staff during such challenging times, something HR’s role is vital in.

Deepa Tailor, an expert in mental health from Divorce Lawyers says that providing support for employees during personal crises like divorce is essential. It not only helps team members through difficult times but also maintains a productive and positive work environment.

Five strategies to help support staff through divorce

With this in mind, she reveals five essential HR strategies to support employees through divorce.

1) Implement wellness programs

Wellness programs can cut healthcare costs, boost productivity, and reduce absenteeism and turnover. Plus, they make employees happier and more engaged.

2) Promote open communication

Create an environment where open communication is the norm. Providing a safe space for employees to discuss their challenges can lead to better mental health and increased productivity.

3) Support work-life balance

Flexible work arrangements and policies that promote work-life balance help employees juggle their personal and professional responsibilities more effectively, and give them more space to process what’s happening in their life outside of work. This reduces stress and boosts overall job satisfaction.

4) Invest in stress management tools

76% of companies are increasing their investment in stress management and resilience tools, benefiting employees both at work and in their personal lives.

According to the Harvard Business Review, companies save $6 in healthcare costs for every $1 spent on their employees’ wellbeing, highlighting the importance of companies contributing to their employees mental health. Investing in your employees’ wellbeing is not just good for them, but also for the company’s overall health.

5) Provide financial and legal support

Providing resources like financial counselling and legal help can ease the stress of divorce, making it easier for employees to stay focused at work.

Supporting employees through personal crises isn’t just about maintaining productivity – it’s about fostering a workplace culture of empathy and resilience. When employees feel valued and supported, they are more likely to thrive, both personally and professionally.

Divorce Lawyers is a premier law firm specialising in family law, providing expert legal support for divorce, custody disputes, and spousal support matters. With a team of experienced attorneys, they offer compassionate guidance and personalised solutions to navigate complex legal challenges.

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If you’re not familiar with the various types of spousal support it’s tough to ensure you’re receiving a fair amount each month. How Connecticut determines spousal support depends on a few factors.

Types of spousal support

Most states, including Connecticut, don’t lump spousal support under a single type. Also known as alimony, these are payments one former spouse makes to another to help cover their living expenses. Who typically pays spousal support in Connecticut? 

The highest-earning spouse is usually the one ordered by the court to pay alimony. Currently, states typically recognize three types of alimony.

Permanent Spousal Support

Okay, take a deep breath, especially if you’re the one paying alimony. Permanent spousal support doesn’t necessarily mean you’re paying alimony for the remainder or your life or your spouse’s, whichever comes first. Permanent alimony typically only lasts until your former spouse remarries or one of the former partners passes away.

Who typically receives permanent spousal support? If one spouse wasn’t working during the marriage or their income level was significantly lower than their former spouse’s, the judge may order the higher earner to pay permanent alimony. These payments are intended to help ensure both spouses can continue to enjoy the relatively same quality of life as they did during their marriage.

Temporary Alimony

Depending on whether you’re paying or receiving alimony, finding out if it’s temporary can be either good or bad. Temporary alimony is generally issued by a family court judge during the divorce proceedings. In other words, the alimony is only paid during the divorce and stops once the decree is finalized.

This doesn’t necessarily mean the lower-earning spouse is on their own after the divorce since they’re still able to receive permanent spousal support if the judge decides that it’s necessary to do—but what can change is the amount of financial support that’s given. This means that the judge has the capacity to decide to keep the payment amounts the same, reduce the financial assistance overall, or even increase the amount of it.

Ultimately, there are a few different factors that go into deciding what happens after temporary alimony ends, such as both spouses’ overall earning potential and daily living expenses.

Rehabilitative Spousal Support

This type of alimony is similar to temporary spousal support. Meaning it’s only paid to a former spouse for a short time. The primary difference is why this type of support is awarded to one divorcing spouse.

Rehabilitative alimony gives you the chance to become financially independent. Along with using the financial support to help cover living expenses, it’s also intended to be used for things like education and job training. Once the former spouse completes their education the support comes to a stop. 

If you’re wondering if you can drag out your education for years, the answer is usually no. Even if the court doesn’t place a timeline on the support beyond completing your education, your former spouse can file a request to end the payments.

If you’re only taking a class or so a semester to keep the support coming in, the judge may decide you’re abusing the system. This usually means putting an end to your rehabilitative spousal support payments.

Factors determining spousal support eligibility

Simply making less than your spouse doesn’t necessarily mean you qualify to receive alimony. A few factors go into the court’s decision on whether or not to award spousal support. 

In other words, just because you request alimony in your divorce doesn’t necessarily mean the court’s going to agree. So, what goes into a court’s decision?

Length of the Marriage

How long you and your spouse stayed married can impact your eligibility to receive spousal support. If you’re married for five years or less, there’s a good chance you’re not going to be awarded spousal support. 

The court’s reasoning is your chances of becoming financially independent are usually higher when you’re only married for a few years. You may be able to receive temporary alimony during the divorce but this is usually it. Once the divorce is finalized, you’re usually financially on your own.

Mid-length marriages tend to have a greater chance of a spouse receiving some type of financial support. A mid-length marriage usually lasts anywhere from five to twenty years. The longer the marriage lasts the better a spouse’s chances are of receiving alimony. However, this isn’t law it’s simply how most family court judges base their decisions on whether or not to award spousal support.

The amount of spousal support for a mid-length marriage varies though the court usually goes with the half rule. This means the spousal support amount is based on half of the years the marriage lasted.

Long-term marriages are typically any union lasting twenty years or more. This is also when permanent alimony is typically awarded to the spouse with a lower earning potential. For example, if one spouse stays home to take care of the children during the marriage. 

Since they’re out of the workforce, they’re earning potential is automatically lower than someone who’s been steadily employed.

Earning Potential

Your former spouse’s income and earning potential, along with yours, are used to help the court figure out alimony payment amounts. The court tries to keep the quality of living the same for both partners as it was during marriage, but this is tough. Remember, just because a spouse’s income stays the same it doesn’t mean you’re entitled to half or more of their earnings.

Factors like health, work skills, age, and education for both divorcing spouses will be considered by the court. The dependent spouse may also be entitled to higher alimony payments if the court feels they made significant sacrifices during the marriage, which can be anything from staying home to raising children to giving up an established career.

Learn more about spousal support eligibility

Spousal support isn’t automatically awarded in divorces. There’s a process you need to go through. To help ensure your financially stable after a divorce it’s a good idea to retain legal representation. This applies whether you’re requesting alimony or the one who may be paying it out.

The post Types of spousal support available in Connecticut divorces appeared first on Talented Ladies Club.

One effective solution is divorce mediation, but there are still questions surrounding its timeline. Just like each marriage is unique, so is each divorce. The time it takes for divorce mediation greatly varies depending on numerous factors surrounding your particular situation.

Understanding the factors that determine the length of your mediation can aid in planning for your future. This article is dedicated to addressing how long the process might take and why through divorce mediation.

What is divorce mediation?

Divorce mediation is a peaceful solution, evading courts for resolving marital disputes. Aspects such as financial settlements or child-custody issues can be deliberated here.

It introduces neutrality by involving an impartial third-party mediator who helps you and your spouse negotiate an agreement that’s satisfactory for both.

This process relies on open communication, understanding, and willingness from both parties to reach a shared resolution. Mediation isn’t a magic formula but it eases the process.

• The Introduction: Mediation begins with understanding each person’s needs and perspective on divorce-related matters.
• Information Gathering: Relevant details like financial documents, property deeds are compiled for better structuring of resolutions.
• Negotiation: This involves discussion and compromises between you and your spouse, facilitated by the mediator.
• Agreement writing: Post successful negotiation, these agreements are drafted into legally binding documents.

A successful mediation generally concludes within three to six sessions. However, complex issues may require more time and additional sessions.

Though typically less costly than court litigations, the cost of mediation largely depends on the number of sessions required.

Benefits of mediation

Mediation is a proven method to handle divorce proceedings amicably. Provided both parties are willing, you can greatly save on time, stress and money.

Saving time and money

By opting for mediation, courtroom drama is circumvented. Comparatively, the process is quicker, economical, and less grueling than dragging a divorce through court litigation.

Lowers stress levels

Assisting in low-intensity separation, mediation can decrease escalating tensions. It keeps stress levels manageable and facilitates an environment conducive to cooperation.

Preserves relationships

Mediation centers on collaboration rather than competition, which nurtures understanding among dividing couples. This method fosters respect while keeping relationships intact.

Privacy maintenance

You maintain privacy without public courtroom battles. Your differences are confined within the four walls of the mediator’s office, ensuring your confidentiality.

Flexibility and control

Mediation gives you control to customize agreements based on what suits both parties best. Flexibility in decision-making makes it a comfortable process for you.

Role of the mediator

The mediator serves as an impartial third party in divorce mediation. They guide both parties to reach a consensus that suits their unique needs.

Using conflict resolution skills, they provide a structured process for constructive conversation and help couples avoid malicious communication or intimidation.

They’re not just moderators but also educators who clarify laws, policies, and court procedures. This ensures that both parties are informed of their legal rights.

The mediator’s ultimate goal is to achieve an agreement that best satisfies the interests and requirements of both parties involved in the divorce procedure.

• Guiding Discussions: The mediator guides discussions within a framework and against any negative verbal exchanges.
• Educating: They educate about the legal aspects related to divorce.
• Maintaining fairness: The mediator fosters an environment that treats both parties with equal respect and fairness.
• Achieving consensus: They intervene to resolve stalemates and drive both parties towards common ground for agreement.

The mediator holds no authority to dictate terms, instead they facilitate a voluntary agreement with decisions made by consenting parties under mutual understanding.

In cases where disputes remain unresolved post-mediation, they get escalated to court. The mediator’s role then shifts to helping parties prepare for court proceedings.

Preparing for mediation

Your initial task involves gathering all relevant documents. These typically include financial records, property evaluations, retirement accounts, and others that provide context.

Taking time to review and understand these materials is critical. Comprehending your financial status helps foster effective discussion during mediation.

Also, take a moment to identify your main concerns and priorities. What aspects matter the most? Answering this can guide you through the process effectively.

• Create a budget: Understand your current and future financial needs. This supports meaningful conversations about asset division and potential spousal maintenance.
• Choose an experienced mediator: Picking someone with comprehensive knowledge in family law ensures smooth navigation of complex issues.
• Develop a parenting plan (if applicable): If children are involved, outline your preferred custody arrangement and visitation schedule beforehand.
• Maintain open communication: It’s crucial to express your concerns frankly. Closed-door conversations can lead to misunderstandings and derail the process.

Bearing in mind these points aids in reducing unpredictability. With adequate preparation, you’re not caught off guard by unexpected matters during discussions.

Please note, divorce mediation isn’t straightforward; it ebbs and flows based on the issues at hand. But remember: preparation smoothes the process considerably.

Mediation session process

Divorce mediation can seem mystifying if you’re not prepared. Understanding the process can help alleviate your concerns and empower your decision making.

How many sessions might it require?

Typically, divorce mediation might require between three to five sessions. However, complex situations may demand more time and subsequently more sessions.

What is the duration of each session?

Each session generally lasts between one to two hours. The session length may vary based on the relationship dynamics and issues at hand.

How is the timing between sessions determined?

You and your spouse decide the timing between sessions, giving you control over the pace. It’s tailored to your schedules and emotional readiness.

Is there preparation needed beforehand?

Yes. Good preparation involves gathering required documents and a clear comprehension of your goals, needs, preferences, and compromises for the mediation.

Can the mediation process be sped up?

The speed generally depends on how quickly both parties can make decisions and arrive at agreements. So it varies case by case.

What factors could prolong mediation?

A lack of preparation, inability to reach consensus in negotiations or emotional unpreparedness can prolong mediation. Hence, the importance of readiness cannot be overemphasized.

Duration of mediation

The duration of divorce mediation varies considerably. Factors that influence it include: complexity of issues, readiness to negotiate, and the parties’ availability.

Factors affecting duration

The number and nature of conflicts can affect mediation time. Disputes regarding property distribution or child custody might make the process more time consuming.

Your willingness to negotiate is crucial. If both parties are prepared for agreement, they can expedite the process significantly.

Attorneys role in mediation

Having an attorney at hand can make negotiations smoother. They clarify legal matters, helping you make educated decisions, which can accelerate the process.

Legal representation needs

Understanding your legal representation needs is vital in divorce mediation. Your lawyer ensures your interests are well-represented and helps you navigate dispute settlements.

Selecting a lawyer

Choose a lawyer experienced in mediation. They can offer expert advice and make strategic decisions, saving you time and potentially reducing the length of your mediation.

Their experience can influence the duration of the process significantly. It’s critical to choose wisely to ensure effective negotiation during the mediation.

Evaluating mediator competence

An experienced mediator with appropriate techniques to facilitate discussion, manage conflict, and encourage collaboration can expedite the process. Choose a mediator who understands your unique situation.

Check their background, accreditation, and customer reviews to evaluate their ability to help reach a satisfactory settlement within minimal time.

Understanding the length

The duration of divorce mediation depends on several factors such as complexity of issues, preparation level, disputes quantity, willingness for compromise, and lack of emotional volatility.

It may take weeks or months. Your commitment to the process, preparation, and choice of legal representation has a significant impact on the timeframe.

Cost considerations

Understanding the financial implications of divorce mediation is vital. Costs vary widely, but most couples find it more affordable than traditional divorces.

Hourly fees

Mediators factor in their expertise and time spent on your case to determine hourly fees. This differs across regions and individual mediators.

Despite variability in rates, the total cost generally settles below that of court-conducted divorces, offering savings on legal fees.

Duration impact

The length of your mediation process plays a significant role in the overall cost. Longer sessions may inflate expenses due to increased mediator hours.

The complexity of your case also matters. Complex cases involve more negotiation time, springing costs higher compared to straightforward separations.

Additional rxpenses

Beyond mediator’s fees, there are other incidental costs. These include expenses for additional professional services like accountant or therapist consultations.

It’s important to factor these variables into your budget planning. Keep this in mind as any unexpected costs could impact your finances negatively.

Spousal and child support

Spousal and child support plays a vital role during the divorce mediation process. These elements may prolong or shorten the duration of mediation.

Beyond just reaching a consensus, discussions revolve around monetary arrangements. Both parties have to agree on an amount suitable for sustaining living conditions.

You may be wondering, how does spousal and child support influence the mediation time frame? Here are some factors to consider:

1. Child Custody: How parents decide to share custody can expedite or delay proceedings. Agreeing on an arrangement that suits all can take time.
2. Income disparities: Income variances might complicate the process. The higher-earning spouse could resist demands, affecting the resolution rate.
3. Attitude towards Mediation: A cooperative attitude helps in reaching an agreement faster, whereas a contentious mindset can drag the process.

Your contribution to these discussions influences mediation’s speed. Prompt and clear responses speed up the process, while indecisiveness can create unnecessary delays.

It’s also worth noting that your mediator’s experience plays a role in how effectively they facilitate these conversations to reach an agreement efficiently.

Take your time

Remember, divorce mediation necessitates patience. It can considerably reduce stress, cost and time, if managed efficiently. Keep all documents ready, understand your mediator’s role and always consider legal assistance. Stay patient, everything will sort itself out to your best interests

The post How long does divorce mediation take? appeared first on Talented Ladies Club.

Working out your regular expenditure is an essential part of the divorce process. It is vitally important because it could lead to spousal maintenance, ie regular payments made to you by your former husband/partner. 

When considering if you will need spousal maintenance, the family court will look at various issues. First, whether you can afford to pay your reasonable outgoings from your income and whether you are maximising your  income from all possible sources.

If there is a deficit between your own income and outgoings, can the other spouse afford to pay you spousal maintenance? If they can, how much should be paid and for how long?

Start by considering your outgoings

The process begins by considering each person’s outgoings; you will be asked to complete an expenditure schedule. Getting the schedule of outgoings right and including everything relevant to your expenditure is very important. It is an essential part of the financial disclosure process but it is not as straightforward as you might think.

Many people find the schedule  tricky to complete particularly when one spouse has had more involvement in the financial arrangements of the family leaving the other person ill equipped to understand the true extent of what their monthly spending could be once living separately.

There are helpful tips you can follow to get this right. Firstly, your solicitor will give you a template spreadsheet with headings for you to complete including a variety of different costs you may have. Make sure you use this document, it has been specifically designed for the purpose of capturing all of your outgoings.

Then review your own personal and joint bank statements. Ideally review the last 12 months to identify all direct debits and standing orders, regular payments you are making for yourself, relating to your home or children or other dependants you care for. 

Don’t forget these often overlooked expenses

Spending that often get overlooked include streaming services like Netflix or Disney, and cloud storage as well as subscription Apps (stored on your tablet or smart phone) for example Calm or Duolingo. Also, medical prescriptions which might not be regular but necessary, and pet expenses including stabling costs for horses or vets bills or monthly pet plan fees which are often more than you expect when you add them together across the year.

We often see grocery spending being grossly underestimated especially where there are children in the household. It’s also worth bearing in mind that expenditure on children always increases as they get older. Their needs (and future needs) must be accounted for from breakfast clubs, holiday clubs, sporting or musical activities to  tutoring and driving lessons.

Don’t exaggerate your spending

When working out your anticipated household expenditure, the schedule must accurately reflect your expected outgoings. The family court takes a dim view of those who exaggerate their spending or where spending grossly exceeds their income (their sole income or even combined). It is expected that the spending should reflect the standard of living enjoyed during the marriage.

Once you set out your outgoings it can be difficult to later revise that figure upwards without incurring criticism from the court or your opposing solicitor so it is very important that you ensure that the schedule is comprehensive. If you find this process overwhelming, you may wish to outsource it to a specialist independent company who can work out your expenditure in a bespoke way.

We can recommend such companies and it is worth bearing in mind that the fee paid will often be a lot less than it would cost to get your solicitor to do this for you.

Review your income levels

Once outgoings are established, it is necessary to review the income level you and your spouse have, or will have in the foreseeable future. Income includes employment salary, rental or investment income and passive income as a beneficiary from a trust. 

If you are not working, you will be expected to return to work but the court will consider your ability to re-enter the workplace by looking at your skillset and what retraining you may need to return to your previous career or pursue a new career.

Be organised and take control of this and provide as much information to your solicitor as possible. Those who are proactive in planning their future, no matter your age, can move forward positively.

If you know what you would like to do, you can document the cost and scope for retraining and factor this into your outgoings. If you do not know what you would like to do, you could consult a careers advisor to provide insight into potential opportunities taking your circumstances and experience into account.

Your maintenance order will probably be for a fixed term

Your maintenance order is most likely to be fixed for a term (limited to just five years in Scotland) and provision may be made for the monthly maintenance figure to reduce over time as your career develops. In England and Wale maintenance can be awarded for life but only in exceptional circumstances and the court is moving quickly towards far shorter maintenance periods than before.

When children are young and you are the main carer you have a limited ability to work and maintenance payments will be higher. As they get older your time and ability to work more increases and maintenance payments will likely decrease in phased step downs. It isn’t guaranteed that spousal maintenance will be paid until the youngest child reaches 18 years old as once was the case.

The assessment of when maintenance should stop is now assessed far more vigorously and harshly than ever before. There is certainly a higher expectation of becoming financially independent before children reach 18 years which sometimes can be seriously detrimental to those women particularly who sacrificed a career during the marriage and cannot re-enter the workplace in the same place they left it, and certainly not in the place they would have been had they pursued their career without a break. 

Factor in any capital sums you may receive

In addition to earning capacity,  we also have to factor in whether you can expect to receive a capital sum (which is not designated for rehousing) and how much income you can expect to derive from it once it is invested.  Finally, the ability of your spouse to pay the maintenance is a factor, which includes considering their age and health when determining how long it could be paid for. 

Take the time to get your finances right

Many people do not put aside adequate time to address the task of completing their outgoings schedule. As we have seen, it is an essential part of the negotiation process for any person who will need spousal maintenance after divorce.

We highly recommend you take your time, are as accurate as possible and let your solicitor know if you wish to employ an expert to assist in its completion to ensure you prepare your case thoroughly from the start. This can be especially important if financial abuse is involved.

Read more divorce advice

You can read more advice on navigating separation and divorce in these articles:

• Six ways you can save money on legal fees when getting divorced
• Seven tips to help you have a ‘good’ divorce
• How to navigate Christmas when you are newly divorced or separated
• Taking your children on holiday abroad following separation and divorce

Vanessa Gardiner is a partner in the family law team at RWK Goodman.

The post The common pitfalls of working out your income needs during a divorce (and how to avoid them) appeared first on Talented Ladies Club.

As a family and divorce solicitor, I am seeing that this issue has become all the more prevalent as a result of the cost of living crisis. Sometimes, the wealthy spouse will have always managed the families’ finances and clients have little access to cash or assets. Clients can be very worried about how they will fund their divorce and we can help them come up with plan to ensure that they can cover their legal fees.

The starting point when a couple decide to separate or divorce is that each person will be responsible for their own legal costs. However, if you are have no funds available to pay for your legal fees, then there are options available to help ensure that you have the funds to cover the legal costs incurred throughout your divorce. Let’s look at some of them.

Legal services payments orders  

A legal services payments order is an order applied for during the course of a divorce which will enable you to obtain funding from your wealthy spouse, for your legal costs.  

The court is able to take a flexible approach to these orders and they can grant the order by way of a lump sum or as monthly instalments. They can be granted to support you up to a certain stage in the proceedings (such as the financial dispute resolution appointment) but further orders can be granted during the proceedings if this is deemed necessary.

In order to be successful in an application for a legal services payments order, the court would need to be satisfied that you have attempted to seek funding for legal costs from other sources. As such, the you would need to prove the following points: 

• You do not hold assets which could be used to pay legal fees.
• You cannot borrow money in the form of a commercial loan, litigation loan, or from friends or family. 
• You have not been able to agree an arrangement with their solicitor that the payment of legal fees is deferred until a settlement has been reached and monies have been paid out. A letter from a senior partner at the law firm you are using confirming that they are not willing to defer payment of their fees is likely to be sufficient for these purposes. 

Before granting an order, the court will need to assess the financial circumstances of both you and your spouse and consider the effect on both of you  if the order is not made. For example, would an order cause financial hardship to your spouse  or prevent them from  paying their  own legal fees?

The court will make an order based on an estimation of the legal fees that will  be incurred.  If the full amount is not incurred, the court can order the surplus to be returned to the payer. Alternatively, the amount advanced can be taken into account when reaching a final agreement on the division of matrimonial assets. 

It is important that the parties attempt to reach an agreement outside of court because if it is proved that  that no negotiations have taken place, the court can reduce the amount of financial provision ordered. Furthermore, it is a requirement of a legal service payments order that the applicant has investigated whether they would be entitled to a litigation loan, see below.

Litigation loans 

There are lenders who specialise in funding litigation in family and divorce cases. As you would expect, the lenders typically work on the basis that the loan is provided to you on the basis that it will fund your legal fees (including barristers and other  experts you may need to use). The  amount borrowed will be repaid from your settlement monies before the balance is paid to you when your divorce is finalised.

These types of lenders will not grant a loan in circumstances where the applicant holds insufficient assets for security for the loan. As such, if you have little or no assets in your  name, a litigation lender will not provide the loan. 

Costs orders 

Costs orders are when the court decides that your spouse should contribute towards all or some of your legal fees at the end of the proceedings, but such orders in divorce cases are rare. The court will only grant a costs order where it considered that your spouse’s conduct in relation to the divorce proceedings has been poor.  Poor conduct could include a failure to comply with deadlines set by the court or when your spouse has not been transparent about their finances.

However, the court has greater flexibility to grant a costs order in your favour during an  application for a legal services payments order. This means that you may be able to recover some of your costs for that application. 

Funding monthly outgoings 

It is important to know that a legal services payments order is just an order for the payment of legal services. If you are also struggling to pay your bills and other basic outgoings, you can apply for maintenance to be paid whilst the divorce is ongoing. This is an application for Maintenance Pending Suit.  

As we have seen there are options available to anyone who is worried about how they will cover their legal costs on divorce. A good solicitor will be able to discuss your options and help you to move forward. 

Jenny Carter is a solicitor in the family and divorce team at Debenhams Ottaway. Jenny can be reached at jac@debenhamsottaway.co.uk or on 01727 738255.

The post How to pay for legal advice on your divorce when your partner controls the cash appeared first on Talented Ladies Club.

The advent calendar chocolates are fast disappearing. If you’re anything like me there are still presents to buy and cards to write. That’s not to mention the nativities, Christmas jumper days, work Christmas parties to attend… the list goes on and on!

It can feel overwhelming. Stripping that all away: what we all hope for is a relaxed, happy Christmas with our children and families. If you are separated or divorced, the prospect of dividing up time with your former partner or spouse may bring up all sorts of emotions in you: possibly sadness, anxiety, dread, anger. 

As a family lawyer, I often see my divorcing clients with children worrying about how things will work over the festive period. However, a bit of careful planning can help Christmas  go smoothly. Here are 10 tips to help you ensure the holiday period is as harmonious and happy as possible.

1) Find out your children’s wishes and feelings about the Christmas arrangements

Take these into account when negotiating the Christmas arrangements with your ex. You might not be able to deliver what your children want, or it might not be appropriate to do so. However, if your children feel they have been listened to, they are likely to be more accepting of the arrangements you make.

Consider what is best for your children over the holiday period and focus on ensuring that they have as settled and happy a time as possible. 

2) Decide what your biggest wish for Christmas is and be prepared to give up others

Consider what is most important to you this Christmas. Is it taking your children to a carol service, sitting round the table together to enjoy the Christmas meal, getting together with your extended family or something else? Focus on achieving one thing and be willing to give up other wishes you may have.

3) Find out what your former partner or spouse’s biggest wish is and try to make it happen

Your former partner or spouse will also have their own hopes for the Christmas period. If you can find out what matters most to them and agree arrangements to bring it about, that will help to breakthrough negotiation if you are still in the process of making arrangements.

4) Plan the presents

Like it or not, Christmas ultimately means one thing to children – presents! If possible, communicate with one another about Christmas presents; a joint present might be appropriate, or you could set a budget so that you and your ex spend roughly the same amount on your children.  

5) It’s quality time together that matters, not necessarily quantity

If your children are going to spend less time with you than you would like, try not to let that dampen your spirits. Focus on the time you have together to ensure it is positive and enjoyable for you all. Be fully present with your children and try to avoid distractions like long phone calls with overseas relatives.

6) Be willing to make a break from tradition for a smoother Christmas

Many people (myself, included) love tradition and feel Christmas isn’t quite complete without all the trimmings. Take a step back and consider what is best for your children: as long as there are no safeguarding concerns, they should spend good quality time with each parent.

To facilitate this, you might not be able to accommodate all the usual traditions. It is worth departing from some tradition if it makes for a less stressful Christmas for your children.

7) Include both extended families

For many people, Christmas is about getting together with family. Your children may want to see relatives who are special to them from both sides of their family over the holiday period. Factor in the needs of relatives, particularly grandparents, into your holiday arrangements if you can.  

8) Manage expectations

The first Christmas after a separation or divorce can be a confusing and difficult time for everyone. Talk your children through in advance about what the arrangements are so they know when they will be seeing each parent and for how long, where they will be opening their presents etc.

9) Be ready to be flexible

Things don’t always go to plan – sometimes relatives arrive late, the turkey takes longer to cook than expected, the weather disrupts travel. Avoid planning arrangements so tightly that they all fall apart if something goes wrong. 

10) Enjoy yourself 

Relax and enjoy the time you have with your children. Keep things in perspective – they will need good quality time with you through all of 2024 as well and beyond, not just this Christmas, so don’t make it all about the big day!

Helen Clyne is a senior solicitor in the family and divorce team at Debenhams Ottaway.

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With the UK divorce rate estimated to be around 42%, it is common for children to split their time between parents, or live with and spend time with one parent. 

As an experienced family lawyer, I regularly help my clients navigate their way through separation and divorce. And what I tend to see is backed up by research; while separation and divorce does not harm children, conflict and tensions will be harmful.

So it is essential that parents prioritise their children and address their questions about family dynamics and how their day-to-day lives will change following a separation with care and sensitivity. 

Obviously, the age of the children will have an impact on how things are addressed and so I have provided a guide on how to support your children on separation depending on their age.

How to help children aged 3 to 7 cope with separation or divorce

If your children are very young, of key importance will be to ensure that stability and structure is maintained and that the children are not exposed to any discord. If the children are going to be moving between homes, ensure that they travel with any support/comfort items such as a favourite teddy, picture book etc. 

For some young children, it may be the first time they have been separated from one of their parents, so ensure that your child is aware of what the routine is and try to support and encourage them to go with the other parent – positive language could make all the difference, for example, “have a lovely time with…” 

In time, your children may start to ask questions about why they travel between homes and why their parents are not together. Such questions need to be responded to with an appreciation for the child’s age and understanding. Relationship breakdown is a complex idea to explain to a very young child so keeping your answers open and straightforward may be the best approach.

How to help children aged 8 to 11 cope with separation or divorce

For this age group, there will be more of an awareness of the separation and your children may well have friends who also have separated parents. They may have heard stories from these friends about their own experiences and this may give rise to questions surrounding your separation.

Again, these discussions should be age appropriate and should not be based around conflict. Try to avoid expressing feelings of dislike, hate and upset when talking about your ex or the reasons for the breakup. 

At this age, your children will likely have extra-curricular activities. Where possible, these activities should be continued as your children travel between homes. Older children may wish to explore their own feelings with you and it is imperative that these conversations are listened to and respected.

Try to not integrate any of your own feelings into the conversation, this is their time to get their thoughts/feelings off their chest. 

How to help children over the age of 12 cope with separation or divorce

With changing bodies, hormones, exams, friendships, relationships and so forth, teenagers have a lot to deal with and each one will react in their own way when their parents are going through a divorce or separation. For example, while one teenager may seek their own space, another may seek constant company. The advice is to take each day in turn and be patient. 

If you and your partner are going through difficulties, try to ensure that your teenagers are not exposed to such conflict and ensure that they are engaging in activities which give them time away from the family home and the tensions.

If you are separated and your teen is travelling between homes, try to ensure that their independence and autonomy are prioritised. Agreeing arrangements for teenagers is not easy and it is important for parents to be flexible and be mindful that a balance of space and time needs to be struck. 

As a final point, the introduction of new partners and any step/half siblings should be approached carefully. For older children and teenagers, discussions around what to call the new partner need to be approached with respect and good reasoning.

Books that children may help children understand divorce and separation

Family relationships and dynamics are complex and a divorce or separation can be a very difficult time for any family. Here are some popular stories and books that children may find helpful and supportive in understanding some of the themes and issues that arise from divorce and separation:

For younger children (ages 3-7):

1. My Daddy’s Going Away by Christopher MacGregor
2. My Daddy is a Silly Monkey by Dianne Hofmeyr
3. Last Stop on the Reindeer Express by Maudie Powell-Tuck
4. Where Did you Go Today? by Jenny Duke
5. My Family’s Changing by Pat Thomas
6. Mum and Dad Glue by Kes Gray
7. Why Do Families Change? by Jillian Roberts

For older children (ages 8-11):

8. I, Cosmo by Carlie Sorosiak
9. To Night Owl From Dogfish by Meg Wolitzer
10. The Suitcase Kid by Jacqueline Wilson
11. Mum, Dad Can You Hear Me? by Despina Mavridou
12. The Mum Hunt by Gwyneth Rees
13. Clean Break by Jacqueline Wilson
14. Love and Chicken Nuggets by Annie Kelsey
15. Goggle Eyes by Anne Fine

For teenagers (12 +):

16. Red Leaves by Sita Brahmachari
17. It’s Not the End of the World by Judy Blume
18. Step by Wicked Step by Anne Fine
19. The Lottie Project by Jacqueline Wilson
20. Booked by Kwame Alexander
21. We Are All Made of Molecules by Susin Nielsen

Read more advice on navigating divorce with children

You’ll find more advice on helping children through your divorce or separation in these articles:

• You’re separating and you have children, what now?
• Co-parenting or parallel parenting after divorce: Which is for you?
• How to navigate children arrangements over Christmas when you are newly divorced or separated
• Four things parents should never do when splitting up

Annabel Andreou is a solicitor in the family and divorce team at Debenhams Ottaway.

The post How to help your child cope with separation or divorce appeared first on Talented Ladies Club.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve endured this challenging chapter. As you close that book, the next one awaits — a tale of rediscovery, rejuvenation, and romance. But how do you dive back into the world of dating, especially after experiencing such a significant life-altering event? We’ll guide you through, step by step, to find your groove again.

1) Transitioning from ‘We’ to ‘Me’

Remember that personal growth is seldom linear. There will be moments when you might feel overwhelmed by loneliness or memories from the past. Embrace them. They are but mere chapters in your story. By acknowledging and understanding your feelings, you can begin the journey of transitioning from the shared entity of ‘we’ to the empowered ‘me.’

2) Mending and understanding

Embarking on the dating journey post-divorce can bring up a whirlwind of emotions. Sometimes, these feelings might be complex, conflicting, or even overwhelming. This is where therapy comes into play.

Engaging in therapy offers a safe space to unpack these emotions, providing clarity and understanding. A therapist can guide you in navigating your newfound single status, helping you identify patterns you might want to break and building strategies for healthier future relationships. Remember, seeking therapy isn’t a sign of weakness but one of strength, self-awareness, and commitment to personal growth.

3) Pursuing romance as a busy professional

Where does romance fit in in the age of deadlines, conference calls, and endless emails? Especially when returning to the dating scene, it may feel like there’s no time. But here’s the silver lining: As a busy professional, you have honed skills that can be surprisingly beneficial in the dating realm.

Time management, clear communication, and setting boundaries are valuable assets. It’s not about finding time but about making time. Incorporate dating into your schedule, just like a fun project or a hobby. And remember, the best relationships often come when they are least expected, in between meetings or on that unplanned coffee break.

4) Navigating the virtual love world

While you might remember the days of meeting someone at a local diner or through mutual friends, the digital age has revolutionized the dating scene. Dating apps and websites can be advantageous, allowing you to connect with people you might not have crossed paths with otherwise.

Be genuine, maintain your authenticity, and don’t hesitate to state what you’re looking for. The virtual world is vast, but with a bit of patience, you’ll find someone who resonates with your frequency.

5) Rediscovering your desires

Post-divorce dating isn’t just about finding someone new and rediscovering what you desire. Take some alone time to explore your wants and needs. Whether it’s through meditation, journaling, or speaking with a therapist, understanding your desires will guide your dating journey toward more fulfilling relationships.

6) The power of confidence

It’s not just about the black lingerie, though it does wonders for self-confidence. It’s about the empowerment and self-worth that comes with feeling confident in your skin. Investing in yourself, whether that’s through a new wardrobe, a fitness routine, or even wearing that black lingerie, boosts your self-esteem. And when you radiate confidence, it’s not just attractive—it’s irresistible.

7) A second chance at firsts

With a new chapter comes a plethora of ‘firsts.’ The first date, the first kiss, the first-morning text—each of these moments is an opportunity to rebuild and redefine your romantic narrative. Cherish them, learn from them, and most importantly, enjoy them.

8) Building fresh memories

Starting anew provides a golden opportunity to establish fresh traditions and routines. Whether it’s trying out a new hobby, traveling to a place you’ve never been, or even just exploring a local cafe on weekends, these new rituals can be therapeutic. They fill your time with joy and pave the way for building wonderful memories.

As you venture into new relationships, incorporating these traditions can create shared experiences, fostering deeper connections. Embrace the novelty; it’s the universe’s way of saying there’s still so much more to explore and enjoy.

9) Embracing a new chapter

While the path to rediscovering romance post-divorce might be riddled with challenges, it is also an exciting journey of self-discovery and growth. So, take a deep breath, wear your heart on your sleeve, and step into the world with a rejuvenated spirit. Your next love story is waiting to be written.

The post Thinking of rekindling romance? Dating experts reveal the top eight tips to rediscovering the dating scene after divorce appeared first on Talented Ladies Club.

After facing marriage challenges and struggles, deciding to stay and work things out or seek a divorce can be difficult. There are no one-size-fits-all answers to this question because every marriage is unique and complex.

Let’s discuss five key questions to consider when contemplating whether to get a divorce or try to make the relationship work.

1) Is there still love and respect between you?

While love may ebb and flow in any relationship, a fundamental sense of respect and genuine care for one another is the foundation for a thriving partnership. Respect is about valuing each other’s opinions, boundaries, and individuality.

Love and respect go hand in hand because they foster open communication, empathy, and the willingness to support one another through life’s ups and downs. If both partners actively nurture these feelings and genuinely desire to mend the relationship, there is hope for healing and growth.

However, if disrespect and contempt have become pervasive, eroding the core values that sustain a healthy marriage, it could indicate a severely compromised emotional bond. In such cases, it may be better to consider partying ways to prioritize personal well-being and seek a healthier and more fulfilling path forward.

Forcing yourselves to stay in an unhappy relationship can lead to emotional exhaustion and long-term dissatisfaction. Couples from eastern Virginia don’t hesitate to call the top divorce attorney Norfolk VA can provide to help them navigate the legal complexities of separation and protect their interests.

Seeking professional guidance ensures that important matters like asset division, child custody, and financial agreements are handled fairly. By making informed decisions, individuals can move forward with confidence and begin a new chapter in their lives.

Attorneys recommend looking into the legal side of things so that couples can better understand their options and make informed decisions. Gem State residents often ask them about the grounds for divorce in Idaho and what conditions must be met to file. This information can provide a basic understanding of the legalities and the process involved.

2) Have you sought professional help?

Marriage counselors or therapists offer a neutral and safe environment where both partners can address mutual issues constructively. These skilled professionals bring valuable expertise, helping couples gain insight into their dynamics, emotions, and behaviors.

Through guided discussions and therapeutic techniques, couples can navigate difficult conversations and explore the root causes of their problems.

A trained counselor can facilitate open communication, help identify patterns, and offer tools for conflict resolution. Couples can better understand each other’s perspectives and emotions by working with a professional, fostering empathy, and promoting healing.

Whether the goal is to strengthen the relationship or consider the best course of action, seeking professional help can illuminate potential paths forward and empower couples to make informed decisions about whether to work on the marriage or work toward an amicable divorce.

3) Can you forgive and rebuild trust?

Trust forms the foundation of a strong and lasting partnership, and when shattered, trust can be immensely challenging to mend. It is essential for both partners to honestly assess their capacity for forgiveness and their willingness to embark on the difficult path of rebuilding trust.

True forgiveness involves letting go of resentment and grudges and opening oneself to vulnerability and empathy. It requires acknowledging the pain caused by the breach of trust and choosing to move forward with compassion and understanding.

Rebuilding trust demands consistent effort, transparency, and communication from both parties. The process may be arduous, but with genuine commitment and a shared willingness to grow, couples can gradually restore faith in one another.

If you don’t feel deeply driven to rebuild trust, you should consider getting a divorce, but if it is possible to rebuild it, consider working on the marriage.

4) What are your individual and shared life goals?

Each person brings their unique aspirations, dreams, and ambitions to a relationship. It is crucial to evaluate whether these align with your partner’s. Take the time to openly discuss and understand each other’s visions for the future.

Are there common interests and shared dreams that both partners still envision achieving together? Identifying areas of common ground can provide valuable insights into the strength of the relationship’s foundation. Shared life goals often serve as a driving force that binds couples together, encouraging mutual support and collaboration.

Conversely, significant disparities in partners’ aspirations may lead to potential conflicts and challenges. While differences in goals do not necessarily spell doom for a relationship, understanding them ensures both individuals feel fulfilled and supported within the partnership.

5) What impact will your decision have on your wellbeing?

Take a moment to assess your current situation’s emotional, mental, and physical toll on you. Reflect on how staying in or leaving the marriage might affect your overall health and happiness in the long term.

Consider whether unresolved conflicts, emotional stress, or feelings of discontent are hindering your personal growth and fulfillment. Prioritizing self-care is essential during this introspection because it empowers you to make a decision that aligns with your well-being and happiness.

Recognize that taking care of yourself is not selfish but a prerequisite for positively contributing to any relationship. Finding the right path forward may involve challenging choices, but honoring your mental wellbeing and seeking personal growth will lead you to decide in your best interest.

Preparing for divorce in your state (for example, Tennessee)

Preparing for divorce procedures in Tennessee and other states involves understanding the procedures and several essential steps.

Firstly, familiarize yourself with your state’s divorce laws and seek guidance from a family law attorney to understand how to navigate the divorce process.

Gather all financial documents for a smooth property division process. Prioritize your children’s well-being by learning about child custody laws. Maintain open communication with your spouse for a more amicable process. By being well-prepared, you can approach the divorce process in your state with greater confidence and clarity.

Deciding whether to leave or stay is a big decision

The decision to seek a divorce or work on your marriage is deeply personal. Remember that whatever choice you make, it is crucial to prioritize your well-being and the well-being of any children involved.

May you find clarity and peace as you embark on this journey of introspection and decision-making.

The post Should you get a divorce or try to make it work? Five key questions to consider appeared first on Talented Ladies Club.