How to navigate difficult conversations in relationships
There comes a point in every relationship at which a difficult conversation is necessary. If you delay this conversation for the sake of short-term comfort, then you might make the ultimate outcome even worse.
In many cases, it could mean the end of the relationship entirely. What if one of you wants to start a family, but the other wants to travel the world? What if you have a difference of opinion when it comes to values? What if there are financial problems that need to be addressed?
Talking things out can sometimes require a bit of bravery. But the rewards often justify the effort. Let’s consider why.
Recognise the impact of poor communication
It’s worth dwelling on the consequences of poor communication. You might not fully understand one another, and end up alienated from the relationship. Many studies put poor communication at the top of the list of culprits of relationship breakdown, but the truth is that just about every relationship that ends acrimoniously does so because of a failure to talk – even if that failure to talk is simply a root cause of another problem.
Choose the right time and environment
Of course, there’s a good time to start a serious conversation about the relationship, and there’s a bad time. If you’re distracted by something else, then starting a conversation about a sensitive subject might be unwise. Your partner might be put immediately on the defensive, and the discussion might quickly descend into a slanging match. Instead, it might be better to arrange a conversation for a convenient time – that way, the two of you stand a better chance of approaching it constructively.
Practice active listening and empathy
Having a serious conversation with a partner means being able to listen to what they’re saying and empathise with their position. If you interrupt, belittle, or dismiss their perspective out of hand, then not only are you missing out on a chance to learn where they’re coming from, but you’ll also make them feel undervalued. Even if you don’t think that you’re doing this, it’s important to ensure that you don’t give that impression.
Address health and intimacy concerns openly
Health concerns can often be avoided early in a relationship for the sake of avoiding stress and confrontation. You might keep quiet about a partner’s lifestyle choices, even if you perceive them to be damaging.
In some cases, it’s better to raise questions of health, since a failure to do so can be risky. For example, you might talk about the need for a partner to undergo an HIV test before commencing a sexual relationship. Being able to handle these topics sensitively might set the relationship up for success, or it might let you know early on that the relationship is doomed.
Use ‘I’ statements to express feelings
There’s a simple way to keep a serious conversation from becoming an argument, and that’s to prefer the word ‘I’ to the word ‘you’. This way, you’ll be able to talk about your own perspective, without pointing out all of the things that your partner is doing wrong!
